Today I found myself thinking of Jed and Crying. I miss him so much. I miss his smile and singing and his hugs and just lying next to me and watching family guy and EVERYTHING. I have had a pretty lucky life. Like everyone I have had ups and downs. And some of the downs have been pretty low, but I have never felt like I do now. I could usually blame myself for most of my unfortunate lows and figure a way out, or learn not to do it again. I have lost people that I have loved and have loved people that I lost. And I have felt depressed and defeated ,but things changed and life went on. But loosing Jed is very unbearable and very finial. It reminds me of when I was very young and having my stepfather fighting with me and telling me to move out. I was 15 years old. I remember walking down the street and thinking what will I do now. I can remember that feeling of being completely f---- d. That feeling only lasted for about two hours because I went to my friends house (Floyd Nay) and his parents said you can live here. I did for the next two years. The point I am trying to make is there is not going to be a Floyd Nay to lift my spirits and make it better. I know I am around people that love me but I also know they are feeling the same things I am. None of us have the answer. Like kristin says "I know Jed is alright" and I guess I will be alright too. But boy it hurts. On a lighter note, I was remembering when Jed and I went on one of the first Make a Wish Truck Convoy rides. It was in Hanover. Travis, Jeds truck driver let Jed blow the horn and we were all pretty excited about all the people we saw waving and honking their horns at us. Jed would honk and wave his little hand. He was seven, such a little boy. One thing Jed earned and liked was the special treatment he would get. I mean here was a boy who didn't get to go to school with his friends, because of the way he felt most of the time. He did get to do things that most of his school mates didn't do. Believe me, Jed would have rather been in school and been able to do what his friends were doing, but since he couldn't he took advantage of the perks offered him. Back to the story of the truck ride. There was this one part where we were seeing different groups of people waving. Some were having parties and there would be ten or twenty people waving as we went by. Then we came to this one part where there was about one hundred people waving. Jed said look at all those people waving at us. Travis and I waved back with Jed. As we got closer we realized it was a garden shop that sold statues. A lot of them had their arms extended and some were bigger than others. I told Jed I think that those are statues. He said "I know That" I told him "I didn't" We all started laughing. Jed would tell the story just about every time we went on another truck ride. Jed has such a great sense of humor.